Bud Light Sales Down 80 Percent: “We Made a Huge Mistake”

Anheuser Busch CEO Augustus Anheuser III admits that the company made a huge mistake going woke. “The marketing department went off on its own and created a campaign supporting LGBTQ people and lost us a lot of business,” he said, “They’ve all been terminated.

The issue started when the company used a transgender person to market domestic American beer. That might work for some fufu craft brand, but not for a beer known to rural folks as the staple of their diet.

“Most of them drink Bud Light to treat themselves when they get paid on Fridays,” said Anheuser, “the rest of the week they go for the less expensive Natural Light, which is just Bud Light in a different can.”


It’s true. Aside from the obvious Pabst Blue Ribbon, which is and will remain champion on the hillbillies for the foreseeable future, Bud Light is as popular as water to a lot of these people. But…not anymore.

“I’ll just stick with my PBR,” said a local at a bar in Alabama, “but I did buy a 30-pack of Bud Light for target practice.”

That’s great news. More patriots should run out and buy big boxes of the crap just to destroy it. At some point, Bud Light will get the message. Go woke go broke, and God Bless America.


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