The National Hockey League has had its share of wokeness. Unlike the NFL, NASCAR, and the NBA, however, the NHL listens to its fans.
After a disastrous opening attempt at “pride nights” last season, the league has canceled the events for next year.
“It makes no sense to run an event that appeals to people who don’t traditionally watch hockey,” said League Commissioner Joe Barron, “we had empty seats and a couple of catfights. It was a disaster.”
The catfights were between the event coordinator, Satana Holliday, and Toronto Maple Leaf fan Lisa Pais. “It showed us that these two worlds just shouldn’t intersect,” Barron commented.
According to witnesses, Pais and Holliday got into it when Pais threw a snowcone at her and told her to “move her cunty hat.” Holliday’s hat was, by all accounts, unreasonably large. She responded by assaulting the hot dog vendor who was just walking by trying to do his job.
“Suck on these, whore,” Holliday shouted as she tossed steaming hot weiners at Pais. “Is that all you got, you sweaty skank?” Pais sniped back, mouth stuffed full of savory pork, chicken, and beef byproducts. The argument continued for most of the second period.
that was Pride Night, folks. An absolute disaster. Authorities eventually separated the two after they agreed to pay the hot dog guy’s medical bills. God Bless America.